The Rut

For a number of years I have dug myself deeper into hibernation. I haven’t felt well. My body and mind sort of fell apart but now I am awakening again. I am finally feeling better. My body is finally waking up. I feel nerves, tendons, muscles all coming awake. I want to hike and run and do all the things I used to. But I can’t. I have work to do before I get there and I am all for instant gratification. Patience is not my strong suit and I am going to have to have it. You can’t get five years back in a few months.

I try really hard every day to remember to be grateful.  I try to remind myself that nothing worth having is easy and all those other cliches about why life sucks and why it is almost majestic in its suckiness. But the cliches, though trite, are true. Journeys worth taking are on bumpy roads.

I have lost a lot these last few years. Friends, jobs, confidence, my figure, and on the list goes. All I can say though is that instead of the self pity brigade I can honestly say I am extremely hopeful and confident about the future. I don’t think, I know, that things are going to be just fine.

They may not be exactly my idea of fine but God has a plan. Looking back I can see that. At the time, not so much, but looking back I see partially what he was doing.


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