I have been sick today. I missed school and slept for hours and hours when I wasn’t visiting the WC. Normally I would be upset about being sick. That would be a normal reaction from most people.
However today I realized I haven’t been sick in close to seven months. Never in my entire life have I gone that long without being sick. Ever. So instead of being upset I take this little bout of ill feeling as a blessed reminder of how much better my life is. Of how much stronger my body is. That my cells are all doing their jobs with the help of the correct medications and that EVERYTHING IS GOING TO WORK OUT JUST FINE.
Now if I could wake up one morning and be my pre-disease weight that would be AWESOME. But I have a feeling it isn’t going to be that easy. : (
I can’t help but look back and see the past and feel angry. At all the doctors that didn’t listen. All the people who thought I was a hypochondriac. All the employers who tossed me on my ass because of my being sick. All those years are just gone in a fuzzy haze. I can honestly say I don’t clearly remember most of my life in the last five years. It is all just a blur of exhaustion, pain and hospital stays.
But then I also think of how much I have learned. How much I now realize. And other than the burden I have been on my Mom, I wouldn’t change a thing.