Weighty Issues

About five years ago I got sick and I started gaining weight.
At first it was ten pounds.
Oh well, ten pounds, whatever.
Then it was twenty pounds.
Oh well, I still look good. Check out my boobs…..Whatever.
Then it was fifty pounds, Oh crap, I better lose this.
Then it was 80 pounds, and that is where I am today.
Uh oh.

Let me be clear, I have never been a tiny little delicate flower. I am more of a Calla Lily. Sturdy and tall. With nice stems and a full bloom. I was stacked. A brick house. Pardon me, a brick SHIT house. And the saddest thing is that I never realized how great looking I was. I let it go to waste following around losers when I could have been out getting winners. THEN all the people that were interested in me I I ignored because I really liked those losers. A lot. Because I was stupid.

I am making a promise to myself though. I just found out recently that I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. I guess it was the final straw. For some reason it scares me more than all the other things. I guess because I have spent the last month dealing with some degree of pain and having mental images of twisted hands and lumpy knees. It scares me – that pain – and to think it gets worse.

So back to my promise to myself, I have simply got to lose some weight. I don’t want to lose it fast. I don’t want to lose it stupid. I want to rebuild my life into a healthy life. I want to be that person I used to be who could hike up a mountain and not relish, but definitely not run from, physical challenges.

I love the outdoors. I want to start going on hikes and camping with my parents. I want to take the dogs to the mountains.

I am sick of being sick.
I am sick of being tired.
I am sick of being me trapped in a fat suit.
I am sick of looking at a closet full of tiny clothes that I can no longer wear.

As of today I am taking it back.

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